There's no such thing as a free wifi...

One of the main tools in our home-hunting action kit is the Internet. Rightmove, Zoopla, On The Market, estate agents’ websites and email have to be accessible at all times. You can’t afford to miss anything, get the latest alerts, sift through all the online information. But if you’re of no fixed abode, it’s not always easy...

Linda has the Internet through her phone, but while it’s okay it’s not ideal when viewing images or studying building layouts. My pay-as-you-go phone won’t even do that. I have set up an alert system with Rightmove which sends me emails with links to properties within our parameters. So, accessing all this vital information can be frustrating at times - in our caravan-living situation.

 There is wifi on the site where we’re currently pitched, but we’re on the wrong side of the hedge, on the Caravan Club Certificated Location, a 5 ‘van site that’s cheaper, because it doesn’t have an amenity block and the Internet. For an extra fiver a night we could sit in the laundry room and go on-line. That might not sound much, but it adds up.

We're on the wrong side of the hedge...

What Linda has done is arrange for her iPad and my laptop to be ‘tethered’ to her phone. This means I can get access to the Internet in the comfort of the caravan. It’s only seven quid a month, but the downside is it is limited, so consequently we have to ration it, which is frustrating at times. When she enquired if the monthly ration could be increased, she was told ‘no’. The phone signal is sometimes poor too, so the screen freezes, or pages just don’t load up. Frustrating!

Tethering can be so frustrating!

So, what we do is supplement our monthly ration with visits to coffee bars and pubs to use their ‘free’ wifi. And here’s the rub, as we’ve discovered to our cost; there’s no such thing as a free wifi.

We found what I call ‘a microwave pub’ a few miles down the road. You know the type of thing – mass market catering, cheap and cheerful pub grub. Not being totally thick skinned, we ordered a two-for-one lunch, then Linda logged into the wifi, and I plugged in my laptop to their electricity supply and off we went surfing.

That first time I was trying to build this blogging site, but as it was a few years since the last one, I’d forgotten what to do and in which order. I was vaguely aware that tables were emptying, and new people were sitting down, until they too would disappear. Eventually it clicked, and I got to work.

So immersed was I in the task that time escaped me. The waitress came and asked us if we wanted ‘anything else’. Linda guiltily ordered a hot chocolate. It was only when the girl returned for the third time, and pointedly asked me if I wanted to order, that I glanced at my watch. Three and a half hours had passed since we had walked into the pub!  I explained in a pathetic voice that although I’d love to order another pint of beer (the last one came ‘free’ with the meal), I was driving. ”I think they’re trying to tell us something,” Linda said when she had gone, so we decided to call it a day.

We’d spent around fifteen quid. Not much, you might say, but a sandwich and a cup of tea in the caravan would have been a lot cheaper!

Our search for free wifi left us moody and blue...

We thought we’d cracked the wifi problem when I had a sudden flash of inspiration. What about the local library – they would have free Internet! We went into town carrying our devices, looking forward to a quiet corner armed with their wifi code.

The first stumbling block was that we had to be registered local residents. As we are of no-fixed-abode this was not possible. We could still use the wifi – but at £2 an hour. Instead, the helpful librarian suggested we go over the road and sit in the cafe at Marks & Spencer and use theirs. This turned out to be false economy.

We sat down with two coffees (total cost £4.80), and did our Internet business, checking emails, new properties for sale and a bit of Facebook. A few days later we were in town again and decided to do a re-run. Linda said she would shop in the food section while I went online. I found a table while Linda got me a cup of coffee, before she disappeared. After ten minutes or so of trying to log-on, I called one of the staff over and explained the problem. “Oh,” she said with a self-satisfied smile, “the wifi isn’t working today.” I got the feeling she was enjoying telling me.

Lesson learned: Make sure the ‘free’ wifi is working before you shell out for an expensive coffee you didn’t want in the first place.

I’ve concluded that there’s as much chance of finding True Free Wifi as there is of discovering the hiding place of the Holy Grail...

Read my novels; Stench of Evil https://goo.gl/VQOVuS and The Devil in Them https://goo.gl/aS1cjZ in ebook format and paperback...)